Author: Rabbi Aaron Bergman

When things are not going right in our lives, we often say we are not in a good place. Not just a tough time, but something that is so overwhelming it feels like a place. Everywhere you turn is another challenge and difficulty. This is when we feel most alone.

This is the story of Jacob. He was on the run from his brother who he had cheated twice. He alone for first time in his life, away from the mother who protected him.

The only thing he knows is where he is leaving, not where he is going. He has no plan, no home, and no friends. Jacob is in a very bad place.

At night in the wilderness he dreams of a stairway reaching to heaven, with God at the head.

God tells Jacob, no matter where you are in life, I will be there for you, and I will be there for your descendants. Your descendants will be a blessing for the whole world. The whole world, not just people of Israel.

Jacob wakes up and says something strange. He says, “God was in this place, but I did not know it.” I don’t think this refers to geographic location. I think it means that Jacob did not think that God could find him when he was in such a bad place. He thought he had cut himself off from everyone and everything, which is why everything felt so dark.

God is saying to Jacob that the purpose of life is to help everyone realize that no one needs to be alone. God is always there with us. This does not mean God does everything we want. It does mean that God always cares about us, and wants to know how we are doing.

Your worst time in life, when you say you are not in a good place, can still feel like a house of God. You can find meaning when things do not go your way, because there is not a moment of your life that God is not available.

In the Book of Psalms it says, “For God, the darkness is not dark.”

The light is always there, but our sadness and anxiety often blocks it out.

This is why the verse, “God was in this place, but I did not know it.” is on the ark of Adat Shalom Synagogue.

Our congregation is a place to be when you are in a bad or dark place, not just when we are ready to praise or thank God. It is a good place to be when you feel loneliness and anxiety and frustration.

Even when we are just by ourselves, we never have to feel alone, or that we are in a bad place we cannot get out of.

When we come together, no matter what, and when we turn our hearts upward out of the darkness into the light that is always there and when we realize that God is found even in the darkness, we learn that it is always possible to be in a good place in our lives.

 

In the beginning of the Torah, it seems like men are having the children all by themselves. This man sired that child, that man sired another, and so on. This probably spoke to the status of men in society at the time in terms of the child’s identity.

By the time of Sarah and Abraham, both parents are mentioned. After Sarah dies, the Torah says that Abraham sired Isaac, but does not mention Sarah. I do not think that the Torah is ignoring Sarah, but emphasizing that Abraham still acted like a parent to Isaac after some difficult situations that could have ended their relationship.

Sarah’s death caused Abraham tremendous grief, but also a bit of guilt. If you remember, Abraham never told Sarah that he was taking Isaac to be sacrificed. She never would have permitted this. There is a tradition that Sarah was told by another that Abraham took Isaac away, and she died of a broken heart before she had a chance to find out that the sacrifice never occurred.

I also have to imagine that Isaac started to feel distanced from his father after being tied up and almost killed by him. That would drive a wedge between anyone.

Abraham could have distanced himself from Isaac. He could have used his grief as an excuse. He may have subconsciously distanced himself because he felt he hurt his son. Instead, the Torah is telling us that Abraham remained engaged with Isaac in his life, and still acted like a father.

Their relationship may have been awkward and they did not speak as much as before their traumas. Nonetheless, Abraham never gave up on being a father.

So many people in their sadness cut themselves off from those who love them and need them. So many parents, grandparents, other relatives and friends cut themselves off from people they think they hurt or let down.

We are never going to be perfect, and we are never going to handle everything really well, especially when we are not at our best. Our loved ones, though, do not need us to be perfect. They just need us to be there for them and to be concerned for them.

Thanksgiving 2011

I love Thanksgiving. I love the Food. I remember as a child the carving the kishka, and the maztah balls with marshmallows. The usual. Okay, not really, but we always have traditional foods and they are great.

I love the football games. Most of them. Some years more than others. I really hope Thursday at least leaves Lions fans with some dignity.

The best part of Thanksgiving of course is time with friends and family. Most families go around the table and talk about what they are thankful for. Good thing to do. It is important to remember how much people do for us, and how many good things there are in our lives, even when things are challenging.

This is also the time people think about how much others were not thankful for them and what they did. They did something for others, but do not feel properly appreciated. There can be lingering resentments.

There might be a number of reasons you were not thanked.

1-They did not know what you did for them.

2-What you did was not really as great as what you thought you did, or that they really did not want you did, or that they really would have been happier if you did not do that thing. (The end of that idea was contributed by my wife Ruth. One reason you should be thankful to her is that she has prevented a lot of really bad sermons.)

3-They did thank you, but you did not think it was sufficient, or you were not really paying attention.

4-They appreciated it, but did not know how to express it properly. A lot of our loved ones mean well, but it does not always come out right.

Jewish tradition has an interesting approach that I am beginning to understand.
There is a phrase in our ethical literature that says, “The reward of a mitzvah (a kind and compassionate act) is an opportunity to do another mitzvah.

When you do an act of kindness for someone else, your reward is another opportunity to do another act of kindness. No promise of material prosperity or spiritual salvation in this world or the next. No promise of thanks. Just another opportunity to help others.
Tough sell. Hard to advertise in one sentence. Live Jewishly, work hard for others, and you will get a chance to do more work.

I believe this approach contains a key to happiness
The reward of doing this act of kindness is recognizing that it is a worthy thing to do, that we are living our lives in a meaningful way, and that what we do matters.

There will always be these opportunities. We never have to wonder what to do with our lives. Every moment is an opportunity to help, no matter what it is we do.

We can cherish the gratitude. I am not that modest. I do enjoy recognition as much as anyone else. The difference with this approach is that we no longer need the recognition.

I would add that if our efforts are constantly being ignored or diminished, it is okay to find others to share the good things in your life. Don’t be a victim.

This thanksgiving ask if what we are doing for others is what they really need.

If it is, be thankful you can help. That is the best reward we can ever have.

There is an old saying that the most important thing in life is not the destination, but the journey. I believe that is only partly true. There is no destination. All of life is the journey. There may be pauses and stops along the way, but they are never permanent.

So much suffering in our lives comes from the belief that everything will work out exactly the way we want it to. Unfortunately, this causes us to miss so many other wonderful things and opportunities.

I think it is fascinating that the Torah itself tries to send us this message through its very structure. In most books there is a beginning, a middle and an end. We are usually disappointed and angry if the ending does not go the way we want or envisioned. Could you imagine what the fans of Harry Potter would have said if Valdemort just went home safely at the end of the series? It would not have been pretty.

The Torah, the Five Books of Moses, though, does not have a real end. God assures our ancestors that they would live in the promised land. That seems to be the entire point of liberating the Hebrews from Egypt.

At the end of the Torah, though, the people are still waiting to enter into the land. It would almost have made more sense for there to be a sixth book of the Torah. It should have included the Book of Joshua which includes the conquest of the land.

Even though the Torah does not end the way we would have expected, we still celebrate the completion of reading it every year on Simchat Torah. The Torah is teaching us that it is possible to live a meaningful life even when things do not go the way we thought or the way we wanted.

This is particularly important to remember as we begin the Jewish New Year. We think that this will be the year when everything finally comes together in the way that we have dreamed. We will lose the weight or gain it. We will get the recognition from friends, family and work in the way we know we deserve.

I certainly hope for everyone that things that have been difficult will become easier and less painful, but I can promise you it will not be perfect. Change is inevitable and unstoppable.

Change does not have to cause suffering. Change can be a time for growth and an opportunity to increase our compassion and kindness to others, especially since we know that everyone is faced with challenges.

The most important thing we can do with our lives is help others with their journeys. We can teach our loved ones courage and strength when things do not work out as planned. We can teach gratitude when they do, coupled with the recognition that these are not forever either, but part of our lifelong journey.

I wish us joy in everything we do, in where we think we are going, but mostly, joy in everywhere we are.

 

 

The oldest piece of biblical writing ever discovered is the priestly blessing, the Birkat HaKohanim, from today’s Torah portion. It was found on an amulet from almost three thousand years ago. It is the world’s oldest blessing in
continuing use.

It is part of one of my favorite aspects of the holiday service,
particularly the High Holidays. The blessing is recited by the
descendants of the priesthood in a service called duchaning.  The
Duchan is the platform the priesthood stood on in the Holy Temple in
Jerusalem when they blessed the people. It is the last thing we do
from the time of Temple that is exactly the same today as it was
then.

The blessing is also part of the morning service every day. There was a
debate whether a layperson or a non priest could say it. The answer
is that everyone can, because we are all to be a nation of priests, a
nation that is a blessing for all.

We say the blessing during the morning service as a reminder that all
people are worthy of blessing and that all people have great
potential for goodness. This is especially important for the leaders
of our people to remember. In fact one may not lead services if one
does not love and respect the congregation.

Birkat HaKohanim is the blessing we give children every Friday night. I want
to focus one aspect of the blessing in particular.The third section
is yisa hashem panav ailecha vyasem lecha shalom. Literally, God will
lift His face toward you and give you peace. It is a strange phrase.
It should be God will lower his face toward you.

I think this means that God believes in our potential goodness so much,
that He would have to look up to us.

This is important to keep in mind when we are a part of any child’s life.
Each child has the potential to be the kind of person we look up to,
a person of strength and moral courage and kindness.  This is not always obvious or apparent all the time, but that potential is always there.

Each one of us, too, has this potential inside of us regardless of age.
This is why we say the blessing every day. We should never say it is
too late to accomplish our goals in life, as long as those are goals
that will benefit others and not just ourselves.

Each of us can be a person that God looks up to.

 

The exodus from Egypt was one of the great revolutions in human history. A group of slaves escaped one of the most powerful empires in the world. It was terrifying, but exciting at the same time. It promised a new beginning and a new promise of hope for the people.

Our Torah portion this week takes place a year after the exodus from Egypt. The excitement is over, but the goal of the promised land is a long way away. This is really the hard part. How do you maintain a community, and a family and an individual sense of self under these conditions. This is what our portion is really about.

The name of it is Bamidbar, which means “in the wilderness.” It does not mean desert. A wilderness may have food and water in one place, but not the other. It might have good weather at one time, but not at others. It may be empty in places, or filled with animals, or even other people. Some of these people are friendly some are not. Wilderness is beyond our control. Our ability to find meaning in the wilderness is within our power.

Most of life is the wilderness. There are many beginnings that are exciting. Graduations, new jobs, weddings. After a while, the adrenalin wears off, but you still have the responsibilities. Things don’t always go as planned. You don’t always reach your goal.

A lot of people refuse to believe that life is more wilderness than new beginning and suffer for it. Not only do people feel frustrated about what they don’t have, they miss all the wonderful things they do have.

The torah recognizes that there is only one really way to confront the wilderness, and that is by having a spiritual center in our lives. God tells moses to build the tabernacle, the mishkan, the place of God’s presence, and to place the tribes equally around it. The tabernacle is literally the center of their lives, and goes where they go.

We have access to a variety of spiritual centers. Some are communal, like synagogues and schools and community centers. Important to have real places to go to at all times in our lives.

Family and home is also a spiritual center, or at least we should be trying to make it so. There are all different kinds of family today, and we have to understand and embrace that. This world is too hard to go through alone. Every person in a family needs to feel loved and safe. We cannot just assume that this is true within our own families. We need to have real conversations with each other about how to make our families into centers of unconditional support and love even when we do not agree with each other on everything.

The most important spiritual center we need to develop is within ourselves. We need to recognize that within us already is the deepest potential for spirituality, because a spark of God is within each person. Sometimes we think that we need to learn all the prayers and study all the texts and follow every commandment. We feel there is some sort of goal to be achieved if we work hard enough. We feel there is a way out of the spiritual wilderness, and that we will have all the answers and always be happy. There are religious leaders who sell this idea. I believe they are doing a people a terrible disservice. People tend to feel like failures because they cannot achieve this level of spirituality.

Notice, though that the Torah ends before the people cross into the Holy Land.
Judaism is not about having all the answers. It is not about reaching religious perfection or salvation. It is about providing a center and balance to our lives that helps us appreciate every moment of our lives even when things do not go according to plan.

There are so many things we can do. Every act of kindness might be the one thing a person needed to get through the challenge of that day. Every prayer offered, no matter how small or informal, might be the thing that gives a person strength to go on. Every word of encouragement to someone who feels they failed can give them the courage to try again.

Judaism, then, is about helping everyone through their own journey through the wilderness, letting them know they are loved know matter what, that they have a home and center in this world. We can make this wilderness of a world that we live in feel like the promised land.